


Please don't say you love me cause I might say it back

by NinelikesBananas



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Romance, TARDIS Rooms, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinelikesBananas/pseuds/NinelikesBananas
Summary: He  knew it since the beginning, since she had entered in his life that he was forever lost. Rose Tyler, the woman who saved him from darkness, the only one he would give his life for and the one he can't have... or can he ?





	1. Just one moment in your arms tonight

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first story here and in English because I'm French so please be gentle with me ahah. I hope that I haven't made a lot of mistakes and that you will enjoy this chapter. Be free to comment to give me your opinion. This story happen after Father's Day episode. 
> 
> Doctor Who and the characters don't belong to me but the idea of this story does. 
> 
> Enjoy !

Recently The Doctor didn’t seem to be very well, more exactly after the incident which had taken place a few days ago. But he wasn’t the kind of person to speak about what his feelings or even to blame her for anything. Rose knew it very well. If she wanted to know what was going on in her Doctor’s head, she should discover it by herself. She almost lose him this day there and she felt so lost at that moment. But worse than this sensation there, was to have his Doctor back but more absent than ever. They were back in the TARDIS after visited Jackie. Rose didn’t know too much what to say to break the silence. The Doctor needed to rest, it had been three days since he had slept so she had an idea. 

" I am going to go to make us some tea " she said, advancing at stairs, and he answered her with a nod.  
The Doctor could seemed concentrated on the consoles of his magnificent TARDIS but the truth was very different from appearances. It had been several minutes since he was lost in his thoughts. He tried to concentrate on their next destination, but in vain. His thoughts always eventually managed towards a magnificent blonde with glittering eyes. He needed rest, even if it was only a few minutes. He had to kept his concentration and should tidy up his spirit. Rose was to go to make some tea he seemed then he shall take the advantage of this moment to rest a little, comfortably in the seat of the room. The sleep seemed to avoid him, it was thus his punishment for the feelings that it tried, to repress recently but in vain?   
He knew it since the beginning, since she had entered in his life that he was forever lost.

He believed to have anything left but now she had become his everything.. He knew that he shouldn’t feel that way, that he should repress these feelings but the opponent was too strong. She had won without even trying. Rose Tyler, adorable enemy, stronger than hundreds of battalions of Daleks. This day there, the day of the death of his father … He knew that it was stupid from him to bring her to it but it was impossible to him to say no to this woman. 

He should have got angry against her when she saved her father. It was so stupid from her, so stupid but so human. She, who had put the fate of the planet before his own, who had already visited numerous planets and demonstrated love and condolence for every living being. He had tried to get mad at her, really, but when she apologized, the only thing of which he was capable of thinking was that it was not important, if she was with him. Yes, only her matters since she would stay by his side. She was everything for him but she, she has her friends, Jackie and especially, she has Mickey. He made a promise to this kid, a promise to protect her …   
" I have to protect her and the day will come when I should return her to her family. And when this day comes, I will not be able to protect her anymore, right ?It's a fact. My mind knows, but my heart says that it can't be accustomed to it. The urge to protect you comes to me without me knowing.”

 

He opened his eyes to discover Rose tilted on him. He was taken by one filled of affection towards her. She had certainly come to call him and seeing him so quiet, she wondered if he hasn’t fallen asleep. Without knowing what he was doing or what what he planned to make after, he embraced her. 

" Just for a moment, let me hold you in my arms just for now. " 

She had been surprised. She had believed for a moment that he was sleeping but maybe she was and maybe she woken him. Now that she thought of it, she had never seen him sleeping, she wondered even if he had a bedroom. He should have it, after all Timelords also sleeps, doesn’t they ? All these questions were useless at this moment. She didn’t understand why he had embraced her but she could not ignore the small tone of supplice in his voice when he had pronounced these words. She didn’t know what was going wrong with him but she knew at this moment that he didn’t need that she asks questions but that somebody comforts him. He seemed so vulnerable at this moment, so quiet, so… beautiful. They stayed one moment so, without saying a word because no word was necessary.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end of the chapter

How he could let her leave ? Her place is here, near him. He had promised her that he will show her the universe but the universe is vast and he needed her by his side to face it. Was he too selfish from thinking of her departure while she had promised him to stay by his side ? Certainly, but it was in his nature to think too much and maybe also worrying too much. He freed her of his embrace and got up to put the information of their next destination. 

"Doctor …" Rose had the sensation which she should say something but she didn’t know what to say. 

"Japan! The planet, not the country. What do you say about it? They organize a magnificent summer festival and in the evening, they throw very beautiful fireworks. I think that it's worth it that we take a look at, after all we have all the time in front of us." 

He had said that with his usual smile but he kept his look riveted on the floor, incapable to face her. When she answered him with her usual smile that Japan would be fantastic, he been finally able to look at her and saw her smiling at him. He likes this smile so much. "Perfect! Before that, I believe that there is a tea which waits for us."

Maybe She would never understand what’s going on on the head of the Doctor but at least, he had got back his smile and it’s was enough. After having shared a cup of tea with the Doctor, she decided to have some rest and had had advised him to rest too. He refused under the pretext that he wasn’t tired and that somebody should pilot the TARDIS. His mind was a little shaken, she needed a good bath before going to bed. While bubbles formed and burst, his spirit ironed ceaselessly the sensation which she had felt when he embraced him. It was not the first time they were so close. After all, they were held hands in every adventure and that had already managed them to hug each other after having avoided any disaster on a planet. This time, yes, this time the feeling was different. What she felt for him wasn’t love, it was something much more powerful. And even if it was love, it was not an ordinary love. Oh, how it could be? After all he is a Lord of the Time and she a simple human being. Did he know that she liked him? Probably not. He probably thinks that she still in love with Mickey but she wasn’t. At the beginning, she had felt an admiration towards this being so fantastic but little by little this feeling had become something more powerful, something like love. And she had made nothing to stop it or even hide it. 

 

Lost in her thoughts, she hasn’t heard steps coming from her bedroom. It was the Doctor, come to bring her a mask and some clothes to put on in this planet. 

It was a pink kimono with cherry tree flower’s petals, the inhabitants had adopted this clothing style for this day in special after having seen the clothes of Japan of the planet Earth. The mask represented a rabbit. The inhabitants of this planet received lots of other peoples, of others planets and they wanted to avoid quarrels between races so they wore masks to hide them identities. He had planned to leave the affairs in his chamber and to go out before she realizes that he was there and at the moment that he was ready to leave, Rose went out of the bathroom with only a towel. She exclaimed surprised when she saw him, "DOCTOR!" . He returned immediately. 

"I-I’m sorry! I only wanted to give you this clothes, I was already leaving !" He went to the door, a thought crossed him briefly its spirit and left it almost petrified by fear. "Jackie is going to kill me”, he had said before going out, leaving Rose amused by his embarrassment and his words. 

He returned to the console’s room, to tidy up his heart and his spirit! If Jackie had been there, he would not have only gone out with a slap. Worse, if she could read his mind, he wouldn’t even see the sunlight again. Rose reappeared a few hours later. When he perceived her, he turned the head unconsciously.

"I am proprely dressed this time" she said by repressing a laugh. She was a little embarrassed by the situation but she knew that he was much more than her. 

"You dare to laugh at the situation! If your mother was here, she would kill me !” 

"Then fortunately that I am not like my mother." She walk to the door. "Should we go ? I imagine that you have full of things to show me”.

They spent the day trying quite typical of attractions and tasting the local food which, strangely, looked like the food of the Earth. The Doctor played the ‘game’ by putting a mask of a fox. When Rose asked why he had chosen this animal, he answered that he was also cunning as a fox. The evening had fallen, the show with fireworks were going to begin soon. 

Everybody had got closer to the river where fireworks were going to be launched but the Doctor told that he know a quiet place where they could take a completely advantage of the show without their masks. He was right, the place was almost deserted and when fires would be launched, everybody would be too much occupied admiring them to carry them importance and thus so, they could remove quietly their masks. The show had begun and they removed their masks. It was magnificent, Rose could not divert her look of this vision and the Doctor could not stoping look at her. Seeing her there, smiling, so happy, so lively … It was more than his two hearts could take, he only wanted to make her happy. 

Even if he couldn’t have her), he could spend these moments there with her. He could have at least these memories of her. When their looks met, the Doctor wasn’t able to repress his look filled with affection to her, his feelings had become too strong. He wanted her to stop him but somewhere inside him, a voice was begging her to understand and accepts his feelings. Them lips met in a soft and briefing kiss and she had made nothing to stop him. No, she had not wanted to stop him and when he allowed to look at her again in her eyes, he read something else than the usual, he read affection and the desire. This look had blew away his last rational thoughts and he turned out to renew his kiss. This time that was a longer kiss but no more demanding that the other one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that I made a lot of mistakes and I'm very very sorry but I'm still learning English so it's a little hard to me... So if anyone there understand French and want to help me, please be free to tell me ! But I still hope that you enjoyed this chapter... English people, if you want me to stop writing this because my english is horrible, you can tell me, really ! I will understand ahahah.


	3. I want you so bad but I have to let you go

They stayed there, together hand in hand till the end of the show. Once finished, they returned to the TARDIS and in the way back, it had begun to rain. They arrived quite dipped but they had never been so happy. Unfortunately as all which is beautiful, the happiness is short-lived too. Once of return in the TARDIS, Rose had left having a hot bath. She needed it, after all this rain but she was afraid. The fear that when she would stood out from the bathroom, the Doctor would have become again the same, the one who doesn’t let see the others his feelings and the way he feels. She was afraid that when she would be back, his Doctor doesn’t embrace her and doesn’t want to kiss her anymore.

" I shall always be there when you will have finished. My feelings for you will never change and even less any second now”, he said. 

" You could come with me, like that I would more be reassured. " 

" Rose … " The offer was attractive but the fear which he felt at this moment there was bigger. The fear that she can regret her actions later.

She had not insisted, she knew that nevertheless what she could say or make at this moment there to reassure him of her feelings towards him would be vain.She told him that she love him, that she was happy of being by his side and travelling with him. She was telling the true, but in the future she will certainly want a family, a house, something stable, something that he cannot give to her.   
With Mickey she could have all that he can never give her. The TARDIS, the journeys through time and space, all these adventures … He felt that he should continue this endless travel, not only for him but also for all his people, all whom he had lost. And he could never ask Rose to sacrifice the life which she always wanted to have to allow him to live the life that he chose to live. Just this evening, just for a moment he would like to forget all the rest, all the problems and to embrace her hoping that nothing and nobody could separate them. It was selfish , right? He knew that he had to stop loving her but a voice inside him was shooting, telling him to cross the distance separating them to join his lips to her lips. And he made it without knowing how. He was already in front of her bedroom.If he crossed these door, he would be lost and he knew it. He heard steps behind the door and while when Rose was trying to open it, he blocked the door. 

 

" Doctor? " Had asked for Rose on the other side. 

" Do not open this door, if you open it... If you open it nothing more can be as before. If you open, I can never let you leave and I have to. "

 

 

She opened it, they looked in each other eyes and whereas they looked, the Doctor felt his strength to let her go leave. 

" But don’t you understand ?! I don’t want to leave you, I said you that I will always be there, that I was going to travel with you forever.I want to stay so why are you so afraid of wanting to hold me? " She didn’t understand. He loves her and she loves him so then why could not they be together? Why everything should be complicated with the Doctor?

" It’s because that I like you that I have to let you go, because I can never be the type of man that you need. A house, a family, the little gifts of a ordinary life, I can never give you nothing of that kind. I will never can able to … " Little by little, as drops of water, tears poured Rose's eyes and the Doctor heard them. He wanted to embrace her, he didn’t want to hurt her but to avoid hurting her more in the future, he had to put a end now. 

" And if I wanted nothing of that kind? And if the only thing which I wanted was to be with the one that I love, to be with you? To travel through time and the galaxy with you. " She had taken his the hand and had deposited a kiss. 

 

The sensation of its touch was very pleasant and possessive feelings tried to take up his body but he could not allow it. Otherwise he would never be capable of letting her leaves. Her words had affected him He considered it sincere but love blinds and he did not want her regretting her choices because of it. If that came to arrive, he could never forgive himself. 

" You do not want him it for now. And if it came to change Rose? The human beings are changeable beings. Sooner or later, we feel all regrets for decisions that we would have of set or that we took. I don’t want you to live with the regret of the life you would have been able to have and what you didn’t have. You have to think of Jackie, Mickey and those who are important for you. Time goes by differently for those who travel through him. Only a few days passed since you left Jackie but for her, it's been months maybe. If you decide to stay with me, if you stay, the day will arrive when all what you know will have disappeared … " She was mad at him but she was especially very sad. 

" You said that you shall bring me where I want to go ", she broke off momentarily before starting again by saying, " I want you to bring me home". 

 

She looked at him a last time before getting back to her room. She hoped that he would holds her and embracing her asking her to stay. She knew that he would not make it whereas he, he wanted to do it so much. He went away from the door of her room slowly. It was time to let her go, it was time to give her the chance to be happy. But he didn’t realize that she would never be happy without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, the next chapter may be the last, I don't know yet. It's hard to me to write in English because I don't know if I'm doing a good job. But I really really love English so I really wanted to try to write a story in English. If you like this story, please tell me because It's important to me. Maybe in the future, I will ask someone who know French and English to help me with the translation of my stories. Tell me, what do you think that this story will end ? A happy ending maybe or maybe not ?   
> I don't know what I can say more than that so... Happy New Year everybody !


	4. I can't say goodbye

They arrived, the good place, the good time, only one month had passed by since the last time. One month on Earth and a few days in Tardis, it was really a big difference. He knew that Jackie or Mickey had hear the noise of Tardis and that they would be soon enough on his door. He was right because about ten minutes later, Mickey opened the Tardis door. Rose wasn’t reappeared yet, she had to be preparing her affairs , he thought. The first thing that Mickey asked, it was where she was. He saw in his eyes how much she matters for him, how much he always will loves her even if she didn’t like him anymore. "If he knew that I have just broken her heart, that I made her cry … Please, always protect her, made her happy".  
Informing Mickey that Rose should arrive in a few minutes and that he was going to buy something to eat, he left the Tardis.   
He didn’t have the courage to see her leaving, he would prefer to not be present when she will go out from there with her affairs. He would never be capable of saying goodbye to her because at the last moment, he would embrace her, asking her not to leave. Since when he had become so dependent on her? He wondered how he was going to survive without her, but he would survive. He always survived. Rose had heard the Doctor going out and had shown herself in front of Mickey a few minutes later. She had hoped that he doesn’t notice that she had cried.

" The Doctor is very strange today. He has just gone out by saying that he was going to buy something to eat. I thought that he had a kitchen here. "

" Oh and he has one but I doubt that he knows how to cook. He doesn’t really have time to practise " she answered by advancing on him and taking his arm as she made it repeatedly in the past. " And if we were going to eat anything too? " 

They gone towards the door. Rose was strange too but Mickey said nothing. He hoped that when the moment would come, she would tell him what bothered her and why the Doctor and herself acted so strangely.

 

Several hours had passed by and the Doctor kept wandering in the streets of London. Rose was returned home after having walked a little with Mickey. She didn’t have a lot to tell him this time but he had listened her carefully, seeing the sadness invading her face every time she mentioned the Doctor. Before bringing her home, he asked her if this time, she planned to stay or if she was finally back home. She remained silent for a moment, she didn’t know what to answer. She liked the Doctor and wanted to continue by his side but in the same time, she didn’t want to suffer again and again. He was right, time goes by very different on Earth and in Tardis and the day would come when she not would recognize the world anymore. Everyone she knows would have gone. She was aware of it since the beginning but nothing else had importance for her than he, than to be with him. She never hoped that he will love her too, just be with him was enough, but at the moment … It was too much, knowing that he love her but not be able to be together for real. 

Even if everything is changeable, she was sure that her love for him will never change. She never had goals in life. She got up every morning, going to work and in her spare time, she went out with Mickey. She never had made plans for the future. And then he entered in her life and offered her the possibility of living a life of adventures. It was as if she never really lived until now, as if she was intended to meet him since the beginning. For the first time, she knew what she really wanted. She shall exchange for nothing in the world the fact of being able to travel by his side. She promised to him to be always with him, to travel with him but at the moment she was not sure if he wished the same thing anymore. 

 

" I promised him that I shall always travel with him, I... " she answered, vaguely. Mickey reply her directly, of a firm tone.

" He promised me as well that he would always protect you and nevertheless, I see in your eyes that he hurt you. I understand that you don’t want to speak about it but do not come to me talking about the promise that you made to him while he didn’t keep the promise that he made to me! " 

She was surprised with his answer. Mickey, he always loved her. He always waited, waited the day that she would return, for good, forever. 

" I shall not let him take you, not without being sure that you will not cry because of him anymore. If you cannot promise me that he will not make you cry anymore, I cannot let you leave with him. I love you and you know . See you so sad is more than I can take" the words had gone out of his mouth without he really notices it. 

"Mickey" his words had enormously touched her. She Know how much he loved her and it was more that she deserved. They were gone back home after that. Mickey had not speak a word of this previous conversation. Jackie had found strange the fact that the Doctor did not come with them. Usually, he rarely left Rose, only when he did not bear to be confined between four wall anymore.. But she was more than satisfies with seeing again her daughter. 

Contrary to her, she had full of things to told to Rose. Mickey had taken advantage of the fact that Rose wished to sleep a little to go in search of the Doctor. He hoped that he would already be back in the Tardis. He had explanations to be given to him and he should rather give them very fast otherwise, this time he would know what that makes get hit by Rose's ex boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end, I found a lot of ideas thus the story will continue. I have a lot of things that I want to write so, I thing that this stoy will have more than seven chapters ahah. Do you still like this story ? It's getting more interesting or not ? What do you think that will happen next ? Rose is going to stay or not ? Tell me, I want to know what you think ;) !


	5. Rose's decision

The Doctor was back from his little walk in streets of London when Mickey appeared in front of his TARDIS. To be honest, hehad not really walked. He had been so much lost in his thoughts, that he had even got lost. Fortunatly, a cat who was passing by help him to find his way back to the Tardis. It was not really a surprise to see Mickey here but he was hoping that he could be able to avoid a serious conversation at the moment. It wasn't really the perfect moment to that. 

"Oh Ricky ! What are you doing here ? You should be watching TV and eating a lot of chips like the others humans on a sunday afternoon." he said while he openned the door of his blue box. 

It had been a long time since he called him Ricky. Even if, at the beginning, he he believed that he call him this way deliberately , he had understood that the Doctor adored annoying him. He didn't know if Rose would delay waking up. He wanted at all costs to speak in private with him, he thus decided to go right to the point. 

" It turns out that I spent the afternoon with Rose that Rose that you brought to us is not the one that we knew. Thus instead of watching TV, I thought that will be better to come to ask you for some explanations about this. " He answered, following him into the Tardis.

The Doctor had remained silent without knowing what to say. He knew what to say, but wich part of the story did Mickey want to hear? He had the sensation, no, he was on that one way or another, all that he could tell him, he already knew. He always said that he was an idiot but he never really considered him idiot. 

"Listen! I'm not telling that I get the situation and I usually don't understand a lot of things, especially after you appeared in our lives, but I'm sure of that ; Rose is not somebody ordinary! I think that you also know it. It's one of reasons why it's her who travels by your side and not somebody else, am I wrong ? And above all, even if that is difficult for me to admit him, it's you who she loves. Then why you cannot do the same without complicating things?"

" Because everything is complicate with me! Anything in my life is easy. Then does not come to me to tell that I have to simplifying things Mickey ! Don't you believe that I like being with her? That I want to travel by her side for all eternity? But we do not have all this time, YOU haven't all this time. In a distant future, she would have been able to blame me for having stolen from her the time that she would have passed with those who she loves. I don't want to be the kind of person which, even knowing it, made nothing to avoid it."

Mickey rushed into the Doctor and hit him in the face. He did not know how he had had the courage to make it, but he had deserved it. Meanwhile, Rose did not manage to sleep. Mickey had left since a moment without saying really where he planned to go. She had a very bad feeling . Suddenly, the idea that he can have gone to find the Doctor came to her mind. She told anything to Mickey but she was acting very strangly since she came back. Maybe he was trying at the moment to have more information about the reason why act like that. If it was the case,would the Doctor tell the truth to him ? Certainly, he is a very bad liar and Mickey knows him. If it happenned to be true, how would he react? He knew her feelings, he had noticed them even before she wants to admit that her heart had taken another direction. She rushed of her bed and without letting Jackie say any word, she went away in search of Mickey. Rose had arrived just at the moment to see Mickey giving the blow to the Doctor. She did not know what had just happenned and any word seemed to want to go out of her mouth.   
The Doctor was the first one to notice her presence. He did not know what to say, he could only look at her. Mickey did not know how she was going to react to what he had just made, he was afraid that she was mad at him, but that had been stronger than him. It's Rose who broke the silence, she had something very important to announce.

" I came to a conclusion. If you want to maintain your promise, I have to break mine. Tardis, the journeys in the time and the space... All this is going to miss me. But somebody has to take care of Jackie and Mickey, don't you think ? As you can see, he can be very turbulent sometimes ", Rose held her tears, he could not see her rying even more. No, he could not know how much to pronounce these words were slowly killing her.

The Doctor remained silent. Nevertheless, it's what he wanted, insn't it ? That she goes away from him so that he will can't be able to hurt her anymore. She gone to her bedroom, looking for her affairs. Mickey as for him did not manage to believe that Rose had preferred to stay with them rather than to return to her journey through the galaxies. To leave the Doctor meant that she was going to return to her ordinary. How she could be satisfied with that after having seen all that she saw? And what left him even more surprise was because the Doctor was making nothing to prevent her from leaving.   
" You are really going to let her leave? It is really what you want? " He asked

" There is no question of what I want or do not want but of what she had decided. If you love her, you have to let her go...I shall wait outside, I am not very found on farewells. " He answered by banging Mickey's shoulder and taking advantage to put a letter in his pocket without he notices. 

" Will we see you again ? " asked Mickey while the Doctor crossed the door. 

" Oh maybe, well, it is possible that I want irresistible eat Chips&Fish one of these days. Maybe that any race decided to try to quench the human race and that I have to save you, once more"

Rose wasn't surprised to learn that the Doctor wasn't in the Tardis or outside. He really enjoyed to leave silently, as if he had never been there. On one side, she would have liked that it was really the case but of the other one... It would have such a pity to have never had seen anything of all of she was able to see thanks to him, right? But it was not the moment to think of could have happenned, it was time to return at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry not to post anymore as before but I am going to be very busy from now so I don't have much time to write. If you continue to like the story, I shall continue to write it but more slowly. Thank you for reading my story, even if it's not very well wrote in english.


End file.
